Farewell.
Yesterday was a weird day as it was. I wasn’t feeling good after I ate lunch and thought maybe the kids got me sick with the flu. I was really tired too and still wasn’t feeling the tori concert last night.
On the way to the Tori show was really strange as well. Steve and I had a strange conversation about life which got me more in this low key, sad, weird mood. It got me more when we got to the Fox Theatre. It’s always a weird time of year for me in October because of the 10 year anniversary coming up, and there are moments when I just break down and cry. But this was the first time in public it has ever happened. Steve was reminising about past shows, how I was 17 when I first saw her, now I’m 30 and about to see her with a ring on my finger. I got this huge rush that I just wanted to start crying. About 5 minutes later, I felt like crawling out of my skin and feeling really clausterphobic.
I haven’t been following this tour–set lists, what she brings to the stage, reading fan forums, etc. There was two girls talking literally almost on top of Steve about how they are seeing 9 shows this tour (damn, thats almost 900$) and how they met tori at the meet and greet and how she requested Sister Janet and Black Dove. The way I use to be just completely got over me. It was weird. I’m glad I had that for a long time in my life, but thats just not who I am anymore.
The show started off and Tori came out as Santa. Ugh. My least favorite “girl” on this CD. Right away, I had this like chip on my shoulder, like “Ok Tori, you better blow me away or I’m done”. In Detroit, Amy and I always say that tori tends to play her “greatest hits” in D-town. Every “single” from the CD’s. Guess what?? We weren’t let down again. I literally am SICK to death of Crucify, Cornflake Girl, Silent, Spark, Precious Things, Sorta Fairytale… oh thats right, these are all the songs she always opened with or ended with at EVERY show. At that time I didn’t mind, because something awesome would always come out in between that made it worth hearing. During the show she ususually sings a few songs with just her and her piano…and there she was, she had sheet music because she couldn’t remember two of her songs from Under the Pink!! Usually when you see sheet music, she pops out a cover song or a “rarity” that hasn’t hardly been played…but then when it was two songs she’s played a lot….Ugh.. 
Now here I am. Hearing the new songs, which were OK, but I just didn’t get those chills going up my spine at any song tonight. We were in fifth row, so I could see everything. I didn’t like the wigs she had on, they covered most of her face (steve and i joke we think she must be bald now), she came out in this green marshen jumpsuit thing that looked terrible, and rarely even spoke the whole show.
Finally it was finished and I was just in an awful mood. I told Steve after the last song, that was it. That would be my last Tori show. I’m OK with it. I felt like grieving because I just lost a friend, but at the same time, I”ve changed, she’s changed, its just the way things go in life. I’m grateful that I saw her in 1994 when nobody ever heard of her, and she sang her songs almost in a “state” where she got so into them, she would drool on the microphone and belt out the songs from her heart and sometimes even cry while she sang the songs, would push her voice, and shit would just come out from nowhere and blow you away. 1996 when she use to do the little cornflake girl dance that would make me not mind hearing it for the 100th time, or my favorite tour 1998 where she ROCKED. When the entire audience would be dancing and pushing and shoving. I even remember 2003 when when Take to the Sky rocked and she’d pull out “I feel the earth move” in the middle of it. SHIT!! Now, in the last two tours, she’s taken the “I’m a mom” now angle and 1) I can’t relate, and 2) the songs are just boring to me. Ther’es no guts anymore, everything seem safe. She doesn’t even seem to be enjoying herself on stage either, and guess what? I’m not enjoying being there anymore.
Steve made a good point. I”m not the only one. When I looked around the Fox last night, the balcony only had about 3-4 rows of people. Before, Tori could sell out the fox and played another show the SAME night back to back… now when I’m ready to sell all my tori collectibles that use to be worth a TON of money, aren’t going for even 9.99 on ebay.. that REALLY bums me out… but it looks like she’s lost a lot of ppl in the end….
I’ll probably still buy her new CD’s when it comes out (then again i never bought the beekeeper), but as for shows, last night was my last one. It’s been a good 13 year run, and its time to let other people enjoy her the way I did for so long.
I’m not sad in that “this is my life now” where I sit on my butt and do nothing. I’m still geeked about Tegan and Sara and share that same “toriness” in seeing them rock out. I saw them on MTV a lot lately and got excited about it… in some weird way it does feel like I just broke up with someone last night and now this morning as I wake up, its a new day, and I’m ok with letting Tori go.
