Ang’s Rants and Raves

such a weird mood today.  I don’t know if I’m sad or if I’m just tired.  I keep having weird dreams in the last two days–off the wall ones too–where nothing is making sense, but it does in the dream.  Usually I get them from eating garlic, but i haven’t.  Today I miss WMU.  I miss my coworkers to death. They were like family.  I always had someone to eat lunch with, every thursday was luacia and I’s “saladays” thing.  It’s been 7 months and the only friend I made is hardly ever here. SHe works mostly in our detroit office, getting married this summer, and I’m wondering if she’ll stick around much since they want to start a family asap and she doesn’t want to work.  It took me 2 years to get to the point I’m at and the thought of looking for something else is making my stomach turn. 

Heather wants me to go out with her to San Francisco when she moves in june.  There are days that I’m sooo tempted, especially being my lease is up July 31st and I have no idea where I’ll end up–and how much it will cost..  i need to do something for myself and not worry about the details of everything.  I’d love to live out there for 2-3 months, maybe get some cool job working at a coffee house.  Starting a band with Heather (well at least trying :) and just living the california way.  Than reality hits and is it something I really want to do? or something I wanted to do when i was 18 and its just not me anymore? or just some opportunity thats out there in that cosmic universe.  Sometimes I dont even know why I put this down in wriitng. I think its just one of those things when I get off the phone with her, i’m convinced I should do it.. and then 10 minutes later–poof goes that thought. It’d be hard not being around Steve, but I think he’d “get it” since he’s had his complete life realization moments when he walked the trail for 6 months.  I don’t feel like I”ve had this in my life, and am desperately searching to find out what it is for me.

 I really missed the boat. I wish I would have went to school to be a pharmacist. she can go anywhere—even work in a vet office doing prescriptions for animals–or go to the Bahamas and work out there.  People are banging on her door every 5 min. 

now it back to reality and my stomach growling and another day of going home for lunch.

Nothing too exciting been happening over the weekend.  I went to Sarah’s after work and we talked about our road trip in May.  We decided to keep collecting lighthouses in Michigan and after Amy’s graduation, heading upnorth to do the ones on the northeast side of the state and stopping at Cheboygan and driving back down on Sunday.  I think it’ll be fun.  I may end up having to buy another memory card with all the trips I have planned lately! 

Friday I went home and Saturday woke up fairly early to do a bunch of errands, as usual.  I took back some clothes I had bought recently since I want to have as much $$ as possible for California.  I am saddend to say that Old Navy has now gotten rid of all their tank tops and replaced them with “extra long” ones at the bottom—icky!! So! Now I *have* to find another place to buy them at as I still need to make one for Steve’s sister.  I then went to both set of Grandparents houses.  My grandpa is not doing much better. On friday my Grandma called mom in histerics that some men took my uncle and put him in their truck and took off and that he had been kidnapped.  My mom new that he exercised each morning and called to get him to call home.  It’s just not getting any better and no signs from Westcourt that a place is waiting for them to move in :(.  I’ts going to be a longggggggggggggg summer for my mom. 

Sunday I was in a terrible mood and mom didn’t help. We butted heads on everything and were fighting most of the day. I couldn’t wait to get back to Ann Arbor and I knew seeing my man would put a smile bak on my face.   I’m finally done with all of my meds and can get back to working out this week and back on my colon cleansing stuff and back to normal life. 

I haven’t posted in awhile. I haven’t had much to say after recouping from my sinus infection.  I popped out with a cold sore on my nose, and the medication I got is really hard on my body.  I keep feeling nauscious and dizzy (which i guess is normal). At least I only have to take it for five days, and I’ve got 2 down already.  Steve and I went to my favourite place in ann Arbor, The Arb and walked for a good hour.  he really kept me out of breath from all the uphill climbs.:)  Whew.  I am *out* of shape.  that and I didn’t remember my inhaler.  That doesn’t help.  I need to get back in the swing of things, and I’m hoping my foot doctor appointment will give me the OK to be able to exercise on it.  The toenail still hasnt’ grown back a bit, and its been a month already… here’s hoping.

Steve has decided to start eating healthier and exercising more, so we deemed every tuesday as our get out and hike day.  I’m excited.  Now I need about 4 more of those a week and I’ll be good to go.  Being dormant has caused me to gain about 5 pounds and I know if I could just start exercising, it would help tremendously!   We went to Whole Foods last night in awe.  I really feel compelled to start eating more fruits/veggie’s again–this seems to always hit me around this time of year.

I’m soooooo exhausted however.  I had a bad headache in my neck behind my right ear.  I was hoping after taking Advil last night it would go away, but all it did was go to my head and I had a panic attack after trying to go to bed.  I seem to have these every now and then and they are just awful.  My head literally keeps thinking that I’m dying.  I can’t breathe, and my arm feels numb and I literally “Panic”.  I’ve had these since I’ve been little (didn’t know what they were) and last night it just wouldn’t seem to give.  I think it was the thought that I had to get up even earlier today to be in to work and I couldn’t fall asleep.   Now my neck still hurts and my back,  I’m soooooooooooooooo exhausted.  I need the weekend to catch up!

My coworker has been telling me about a wholistic doctor in town and was very enspired by one of his seminars last week.  Natural healing with herbs and vitamins.  He has one  on allergies and asthma and on digestive systems.  I’m going to sign up to see what he has to say.  If I can find something that doesn’t require me to be on so many darn drugs, than I’m definately open to it.  She has an appointment with him on next monday and I’m going to see how it goes w/her first.   Now its almost time for the morning staff meeting. 

I’ve been wanting to go to see Kt Tunstall since late Feb.  I’ve posted several times and have had no interest.  My entire history with concert tickets, i always get screwed.  I bet I’ve lost 4 tori tickets to people who have bailed and I can’t get rid of my ticket…. 2 tegan and sara tickets etc, So now I’m completely gun shy.  I just can’t afford to throw out money right now after buying two plane tickets to california, paying for hotel, rental car, etc. I just couldn’t see throwing out $30 because i couldn’t sell them.

Last night I figured I’d just go there by myself, mabye meet some cool people to talk to, and listen to some good music.  Steve called late last night and said he could make it now, I log on ticketmaster and what do you fucking know..  its sold out.  Of course!  This is the price I pay for trying to avoid the situations of my past.  Yup, now i’m flipping mad.  Not only am I completely high on hormones from this time of the month, I’m mad and sad at the same time.  Right now as I”m typing this I’m about to start crying. UGH. 

Of course, I check my myspace mail and Walt and Suzie also want to go now.  So I emailed them back saying “thanks for telling me the day of the show, but now its sold out”. 

So here I am.  Ticketless, mad, sad, and its Thursday.  I went to bed with a migraide and now its coming back.  I’d decided to do something i haven’t ever done and just go there anyway early and try to nab myself a ticket.  I’ve never bought one this way, but hopefully there is some nice person out there that has an extra ticket.  Or, I’ll just be more angrier when I get home.

It’s been awhile again since I’ve posted.  I like to post about things that I’d like to get off my chest, because it really helps mentally to unwind, since I haven’t been able to get it out at the gym because of my toe.  My toe is feeling much better, looking back to normal, I can wear heels again (as long as they are boots since they aren’t so close to the foot), but doc said to wait until the end of the month before I go on to working out and putting that much pressure on it.  That is going to kill me. This is the time of year where I *itch* to work out.  It’s spring, the weathers getting better, and i want to be outside.  I suppose I can walk, but I haven’t tried to put on tennis shoes and I’m worried it will rub still.  

Anyway, its great that the only thing I have to talk about is my toe!  :).  For some of you if you read my myspace blog, will find that I’m doing a colon cleanse that I found online.  It’s a pain in the butt to have to get up at 6:30 every morning to take 4 pills w/a full 8 oz, wait 20 min. wake up again and take some very nasty grainy stuff mixed with grape juice,a dn then down another glass of water.  but.. its worth it.  I feel normal again.  I go every day—and that is something that feels like a miracle.  I can’t complain.  My body feels better, my skin looks healthier.  I love drinking the tea at night because it is really relaxing.  It is however, difficult to do on the weekends—that seems to be my downfall. The last two weekends I have completely skipped the whole routine because its sooo hard.  I’ve been drinking 8-10 glasses of water a day as well, so I do find my tummy a little bloaty from all of that, but not like it use to be thats for sure! 

I’m in the mist of making TFP shirts and going to try and do betsy’s tonight.  Simple, white on black tank letters.  Mine is a red tank with peach glitter which I’ll attempt to do tonight. It’s great because it doesn’t take anything to make those.  Porchsleepers take awhile deciding colors, sequins, etc.  TFP is just simple and easy —for now :)  Elaine is coming on Friday with her sewing machine so we can add some extra touches on the shirts to wear to the belmont on friday.

I’m looking forward to this weekend, but have a feeling this lack of sleep i’ve had all week will go right into the weekend as well.  I’m sooooooooooooo tired since the time change, and find myself staying up later the last 3 days and waking up at 6:30 is absolutely killer. Summer get here soon please!!!!