Clarification requested
To add to my previous blog, Char asked for more clarification on growing up as an only child. I remember being little and constantly people telling me I’m automatically “spoiled” all the time, even tho, my dad went through jobs like water and constantly getting laid off from most of them and I was getting garage sale clothes from my grandparents and the lions club had to pay for my first pair of glasses when i was 6 because my family’s income was so low. But because there was only one of me, it automatically comes w/the territory. I remember family get togethers when my mom’s side of the family there is my two cousins that are sisters. To this day they are hooked together like glue (even with one 22, other 16). I always feel like the odd man out, I end up hanging w/the “old folks”. My Dad’s side was just like this as well, up until the last few years when more of us tend to mingle a little more.
Elaine also left a comment that coincides right with mine. My mom is all I have now. Whenever there are family functions such as weddings, funerals, showers, you name it, i’m expected to be there. My cousins always seem to get ouf of it, but no, my mom doesn’t want to go by herself. It’d sure be nice if I had some other person to share this with. I am contantly smothered to no end rate. Like Elaine, I have also had several comments about how often my mother calls me a day. There is no one else. Just like Elaine’s functions with her grandma, I’m the same way with my grandparents as well. Dad isn’t here to help, so now I’m called to come. It’s not that I don’t love my family, but I’ve always wanted a younger brother or sister. With me, I hate living alone. I’ve never had the chance to fight with brothers or sisters or get teased, etc. I never had anyone to play with as well and so I’ve always found activities to do on my own. I think thats why the best time i had was when I lived with three girls, it was like having sisters. They fought, stole my clothes, gave me flowers when i was sad, , etc. 2 of the 3 were also only children and we always talked about how much it sucked. Heather’s mom died at 18 and her dad is the same way my mom is with me. Tina’s never known her Dad and her mom is the same way with her–completely smothered.
I look at the way Amy is so close to her 3 other sisters and I tend to get a little jealous. They are all there for each other, praise each others lifes, and can still have tats every now and then. If I never get married or have kids, I’ll never have nieces and nephews to spoil. Steve is also close with his siblings and how happy he is when he’s around his younger sister… Those are just a few of the little things that make up the big things. I also felt guilty moving to kzoo, pressured that I don’t come home enough, etc.
This isn’t something that I contantly dwell about, but right around now I feel so much weight with things happening in my life where the feelings come up. I actually told my parents at once how unhappy I was that they never had another. Only at age 13 did I get asked if I wanted another one, or thinking of adopting.. at that point with such a big age difference, the topic seemed to just disappear.
Wow, I can sympathize with ya on some things…..as me being the oldest grandchild, and my brothers are 3 & 7 years younger than I am. So, growing up I always hung out with my aunts & uncles, and I was the babysitter for many of my cousins. As a matter of fact a couple of my uncles and I are within 7-10 years of each other, so we grew up like siblings rather than uncles & niece. I can see where the spoiled thing comes in, cause there are sometimes I feel like I totally spoil Clare. But, on the upside of things our reasoning is so that we can give Clare the things we never had a children….travel to other states or countries, new clothes not from K-mart or relatives, and toys not from the dollar store. Not to say that those things are bad….becuase that’s how I grew up, but there’s so much more that you can do with 1 than if we had 3. I wouldn’t be able to afford to stay-home, or have Clare in 3 different classes at the YMCA. Those are some of our reasons for thinking we are done at 1 child. After reading though, it does sound like it’d kinda stink to be an only child though with very few cousins…..even though they were younger than me we always did stuff together. I’ve also found, coming from a family with 3 children…..I want to spend LOTS of time alone, because I never got that until I was older and able to get out of the house with a car. I have 2 brothers, and live on the opposite side of the state and still get guilted to come home even though up until probably about a year ago both brothers were living with my parents. That’s one of the reasons why I want to move out of state out West. That way I won’t have to come home for stupid baby showers, and little family events.
Yep Ang, I can totally relate! I might of had more than others because I didn’t share, however - to this day, many of my clothes are from consignment shops and garage sales. When we were in NY I got all the hand-me-downs from cousins because I had 3 older cousins (plus 3 married into the family) and 4 younger ones (plus 2 married into the family). I’m the oldest of the younger set, the others are much older! But I moved away when I was 5 and missed out on the bonding opportunity with them. I guess that’s why my cousin Jason (the one who died) and Michael are so important to me. I feel like besides my parents, they’re all I’ve got/had! They never made me feel excluded. The older cousins never did, but how can you relate to people who are about 13 years older? And I never realized that EVERYONE didn’t get their clothes used and from K-Mart until I moved to Saginaw where it was a major faux paux to shop at K-Mart! I wanted a pair of Guess jeans SO bad! All I got were a pair of Palmetto’s that had a similar logo!
I believe I would be a different person if my mother wasn’t a stay at home mom though out elementary school and part time until I was in high school. I think I would have been more social and well adjusted had I gone to day care etc…
With my mother being an only child her mother being an at home mom, she’s never had good friends and gone out with the girls and done stuff like that. So I get guilt trips when I do. I know I have to have more of a life than my mother! If I have kids, 1, 2, or 3… they will be well socialized with kids, not just adults as I was. I will get my kids a baby sitter and go out with my friends etc… not just for the holiday company party!
The burdon on us is great, but there isn’t anything we can do to change it. We ARE our mother’s lives unfortunately!
I’ve known you for so long I feel like you’re more of a sister. And if you want… every time I come I’ll steal something out of your closet and return it dirty next time I come! lol
And if you need a hand packing up and going through Grandma and Grandpa’s - let me know. I’m becoming an expert at it. Sam was all stressed about selling his house within a couple months. I told him I’d swing by Ann Arbor, kidnap you and Steve and anyone else in my path for a weekend and we’d be there with packing materials and paint brushes in hand. lol
Hugs and Kisses! You’re not alone!